My summer, understandably (after all this ranting), hasnt quite lived up to or surmounted this overblown fantasy. But, I think I've been strangely satisfied about it in other ways- possibly more important ways, at that. I've hung out with good friends, had some good times, taken some vacations, relaxed in the requisite "surf and sun" kind of way, and gotten a 9-5 grinder. Still, it feels unbalanced...as if an integral portion isn't there, or isn't fitting, or isn't suntanned or blissful enough...maybe its just me, as usual. Being philosophical. Thanks, Gregg Wrenn!
Maybe I just feel...confused. Or unsure. Or doubtful. Or maybe all of the prior. I don't know what it is, can't pinpoint it, but it feels like a moment stuck. Between missing old friends who are still there, but won't be in the near future. Between living in the comfort of a home that houses all of the comforts of childhood, and of my past, but knowing that it soon won't be mine anymore. Between growing up and learning life in a city where I experienced my first of everythings, and having to leave that place behind...to an open road leading to a place where new experiences will be had, in an entirely new setting, amid entirely new people.
Though disconcerting, I think I can deal with this. Heck, I'll have to. Part of me even wants to, and cannot wait. Unpacking a dorm room, setting up, meeting a roommate, going to class (yes, i retain my Stanton nerd-dom), and doing everything and anything I've ever wanted to. Learn. Grow. Experience. Whatever buzzwords there are for it, I look forward to college life. Just not quite yet. I still have some important things left here. Like friends. And, of course, surfing.